| "Life is short and full of blisters,"
| |
| | courthouse -- came down to the levee to
|
| sighed the elderly southern gentlemen as
| |
| | watch the goings on.Dad always took along
|
| we exchanged confidences about our
| |
| | a plug of chewing tobacco to pass around
|
| various problems.That seemed to sum up
| |
| | and loosen the tongues of the old-timers.
|
| our mutual outlook on the vagaries of
| |
| | It didn't take much. I got to keep the
|
| human existence, so we shook hands and
| |
| | little, tin, brand tags on the plugs -
|
| went our separate ways.That succinct
| |
| | such as "Tin Star," "Red Coon," and "Bull
|
| sentence has returned to memory often
| |
| | of the Woods." They were prized
|
| since I first heard it several years ago
| |
| | collectibles."You boys remember any of
|
| - partly because of its homey philosophy,
| |
| | the old brags?" Dad would say, as he
|
| but mostly because it is a draught of
| |
| | stuffed in a chaw of terbakker. Then I
|
| cool water to this writer who has
| |
| | snapped to attention. One brag I remember
|
| wandered long in a language desert
| |
| | went something like this:"I'm half horse,
|
| searching for oasises.I have come to
| |
| | half alligator, with a little touch of
|
| realize that the colorful language of my
| |
| | snapping turtle, clumb a streak of
|
| youth in the South has nearly disappeared
| |
| | lightning, slid down a locust tree a
|
| from the American scene. We speak in
| |
| | hundred feet high, with a wildcat under
|
| precise phrases, short sentences,
| |
| | each arm, and never got a scratch.
|
| business-like declarations. Efficient,
| |
| | Whoopee-yip-ho!"I come to this country
|
| but drab.When I was growing up "down
| |
| | riding a catamount, whipping him over the
|
| home" it was common for folks to sprinkle
| |
| | head with a forty-five and picking my
|
| their conversation with colloquialisms.
| |
| | teeth with a rattlesnake, using a cactus
|
| "Shoveling smoke," or "Money thinks I'm
| |
| | for a piller. Whe-e-e! I'm a two-gun cuss
|
| dead," or "A day late, and a dollar
| |
| | and a very bad man, and it won't do to
|
| short," or "If they put your brains in a
| |
| | monkey with me. Whoopee! "I was raised in
|
| jaybird, it'd fly backwards."What we need
| |
| | the backwoods, suckled by a grizzly bear,
|
| are more inventive talkers - like my
| |
| | got nine rows of jaw teeth and holes
|
| Uncle Hooky Brown. He appreciated the
| |
| | punched for more, a double coat of hair,
|
| fine points of discourse.Hooky dearly
| |
| | steel ribs, boiler tube intestines, a
|
| loved clerking in the general store at
| |
| | barbed wire tail, and I don't give a damn
|
| Bradford, Tennessee. He built up a big
| |
| | where I drag it. Whoopee-wee-a-ha!"* *
|
| trade because he was the best
| |
| | *Frontiersmen took great pride in their
|
| entertainment that side of the
| |
| | personal yells, or brags, elaborating on
|
| Mississippi.At the conclusion of each
| |
| | them through the years. Generally they
|
| sale, while sacking items purchased, he
| |
| | were given preliminary to good-natured
|
| rattled off - in one breath -- a long
| |
| | "tussling" or roughhousing.Brags also
|
| list of improbable commodities the
| |
| | were a way of announcing their presence
|
| customer might have forgotten to order.
| |
| | at a strange saloon where they wanted to
|
| It was a symphony of dialog in a minute
| |
| | make friends quickly. A creative brag
|
| waltz:"Thank you kindly, Miz Boone, and
| |
| | usually was rewarded with a free beer.A
|
| will there be anything else
| |
| | bar room sally went something like
|
| today?Lampwicksaxehandleshorsecollarscors
| |
| | this:"Hey, look at me! I'm the genuine
|
| etstaysblackeyedpeasprunessealingwax
| |
| | article, a real double-acting engine. I'm
|
| beeswaxcarpettaxfignewtonssunbonnetscoalo
| |
| | a hard customer that can lick any man
|
| ilshoepolishfurniturepolishsilverpolish
| |
| | here. If you don't believe it, step up
|
| bakingsodasodacrackerssodapoppumpwashersp
| |
| | and try me. I can out-run, out-jump,
|
| eppermintstickcheeseclothneedles
| |
| | out-swim, chaw more tabaccy and spit
|
| flowerseedssidemeatbuckshot or button
| |
| | less, drink more whiskey and keep
|
| hooks?" The spiel varied - depending
| |
| | soberer, than any man in these
|
| on the customer's sense of humor. It was
| |
| | localities. Come out some of you and die
|
| fun to try and figure out what he was
| |
| | decently, for I'm spieling fer a fight."*
|
| trying to get you to buy. You figure it
| |
| | * *The best roarers were river men who
|
| out.Once in awhile he would get caught by
| |
| | drifted up and down the Mississippi
|
| his tomfoolery. A sly customer would
| |
| | without calling any place home until they
|
| reply, "Why, yes, now that you mention
| |
| | got too old to haul a hawser. Once I
|
| it. I'll have a dozen corset stays.""Yes,
| |
| | heard this magnificent boast at the
|
| Mam," Hooky would say without hesitation.
| |
| | Caruthersville levee:"Yah-hoo! I'm the
|
| "We're fresh out just this morning. I'll
| |
| | old original iron-jawed,
|
| have a box of them for you tomorrow.
| |
| | brass-mounted, copper-bellied
|
| Would you care to make a ten-dollar
| |
| | corpse-maker from the wilds of
|
| deposit?"* * *Salty talkers in the olden
| |
| | Arkansaw. They call be Sudden Death and
|
| days abounded everywhere. Hey-day of
| |
| | General Desolation. "Sired by a
|
| "rip-tail roarers" had nearly vanished in
| |
| | hurricane. Damn'd by an earthquake.
|
| my childhood as regular fare.
| |
| | Half-brother to the cholera. Nearly
|
| Nonetheless, we kids in small, southern
| |
| | related to the small pox on my
|
| towns could still coax old-timers to
| |
| | mother's side. "Look at me! I take
|
| recite the brags and yells they learned
| |
| | nineteen alligators and a bar'l of
|
| as young ranch hands, lumberjacks or
| |
| | whiskey for breakfast when I'm in
|
| riverboat stevedores.Roars once were the
| |
| | robust health, and a bushel of
|
| fashion among rough, hardworking men.
| |
| | rattlesnakes and a dead body when I'm
|
| They made a dent in my youthful
| |
| | ailing. I split the everlasting rocks
|
| memory.When I was nine, at
| |
| | with my glance, and I squench the
|
| Caruthersville, Missouri, my father would
| |
| | thunder when I speak. Whoo-op!"Stand back
|
| take me to the levee at the foot of Main
| |
| | and give me room according to my
|
| Street to watch the Mississippi cotton
| |
| | strength. Blood's my natural drink, and
|
| boats tie up for cotton bales.When there
| |
| | the wails of the dying is music to
|
| was loading, the good old boys -- who
| |
| | my ears. Cast your eyes on me, gentlemen.
|
| usually whiled away the time around the
| |
| |
|
