| "I can't stand anymore chicken!" a
| |
| | called. "Man those lifeboats!"
|
| vacationing guest, who seemed a bit
| |
| | Worse yet, now the rest of the crew
|
| tipsy, shouted at the captain of the
| |
| | emerged from below. They all made their
|
| cruise ship, and then leaped overboard.
| |
| | way toward him.
|
| The captain rushed to the railing and
| |
| | "What are you doing?" he asked. "We've
|
| peered into the heaving waves. There
| |
| | got passengers drowning down there!"
|
| bobbed his malcontent passenger.
| |
| | "I don't know, captain," the first mate
|
| Recently, there had been an inexplicable
| |
| | replied. "We've been talking."
|
| spate of vacationers aboard cruise ships
| |
| | "You what?" the captain inquired.
|
| choosing to jump ship. Now, one of his
| |
| | "Me and the crew, and we decided having
|
| passengers had chosen to go over the
| |
| | one passenger jump ship is bad enough -
|
| edge.
| |
| | but all of them?"
|
| A shot of adrenalin made his heart thump,
| |
| | "No way we can save them all," a crew
|
| and he turned, saw the first mate, and
| |
| | member volunteered.
|
| called, "Passenger overboard! Life boat!
| |
| | "And even if we rescue most of them,"
|
| Man the life boats! Alert the Coast
| |
| | another crew member lamented, "what
|
| Guard! We need assistance!"
| |
| | future do we have?"
|
| Just then the wife of the man who just
| |
| | "We're finished," the first mate sighed.
|
| jumped ship threw her arms up, and
| |
| | "Disgraced!" a crew member put in.
|
| yelled, "Count me out, too!"
| |
| | "We could even go to jail," the first
|
| "Why?" Captain Walsh demanded.
| |
| | mate advised him.
|
| As she dashed for the railing, she took a
| |
| | "Maybe the passengers have the right
|
| moment to inform him, "Even the spaghetti
| |
| | idea," another crew member conceded. "Can
|
| is inedible!"
| |
| | you believe how bad the comedian was last
|
| Then over she went.
| |
| | night? Not one good joke!"
|
| Walsh watched her spin toward the water
| |
| | "And what about the singer?" another crew
|
| and splash down near her water-treading
| |
| | member asked. "I can't stand the way she
|
| husband.
| |
| | screeches on every high note."
|
| "Dear me," he lamented, and turned to his
| |
| | "Excuse us, sir," the mate told the
|
| curiously desultory first mate, "Make
| |
| | captain, "but I think we've pretty much
|
| that two lifeboats!"
| |
| | made up our minds." Then he turned to the
|
| Then he steeled himself for his greatest
| |
| | crew. "Shall we?"
|
| challenge. All the passengers had now
| |
| | "What else?" one replied.
|
| gathered on the deck and appeared
| |
| | And then, to the captain's dismay, they
|
| unsettlingly malcontent. The insane
| |
| | all jumped ship. He followed their
|
| thought passed through his mind that they
| |
| | decent. Then there they all were,
|
| might opt for going overboard en masse.
| |
| | splashing in the ocean among the
|
| Then he noticed telltale signs that his
| |
| | passengers.
|
| worst nightmare could come true. For
| |
| | Now he heard steps behind him and turned.
|
| instance, a few especially irate guests
| |
| | The entertainers were hurrying toward
|
| were brandishing hastily scrawled signs,
| |
| | him.
|
| saying such things as, "Better
| |
| | "What's going on?" the comedian asked.
|
| Entertainment Now!" "Freedom From Bingo!"
| |
| | "Everybody jumped ship," the captain told
|
| and "Clean The Pool!"
| |
| | them, pointing over the rail.
|
| "Now, see here," the captain said, "I
| |
| | The troupe of entertainers rushed to the
|
| know you're all not thrilled with every
| |
| | rail and looked down.
|
| aspect of the cruise, but surely there
| |
| | "Why would they do that?" the singer with
|
| are some enjoyable things."
| |
| | the screechy voice asked.
|
| "Name one!" a disgruntled passenger
| |
| | "They seem to have had a variety of
|
| challenged him.
| |
| | reasons."
|
| "Well, how about the port calls?" he
| |
| | "Not the entertainment?" a faux-Hawaiian
|
| asked weakly. "And all the wonderful
| |
| | dancer asked.
|
| shopping opportunities?"
| |
| | "I'm afraid it played a role," the
|
| "Robbery in every port!" a man let out.
| |
| | captain admitted.
|
| "Disguised as sale prices!"
| |
| | "You've got to be kidding," the
|
| "You think this seashell necklace is
| |
| | ventriloquist replied.
|
| worth a thousand dollars?" a particularly
| |
| | "Once this gets out, we'll never work
|
| irate female shopper said, holding up the
| |
| | another cruise!" a male singer said,
|
| stringed bauble.
| |
| | distraught.
|
| "To the rails!' another man yelled.
| |
| | "Let's face it. Our careers are kaput,"
|
| "We're off of here!" a woman exclaimed.
| |
| | another dancer sighed.
|
| Then the entire group, every last
| |
| | "What are we going to do - just stand
|
| passenger currently still aboard the
| |
| | here?" the comedian wanted to know.
|
| ship, as far as the captain could tell,
| |
| | "As I see it, the right thing to do is
|
| made a move for the rail.
| |
| | join our audience," the ventriloquist
|
| "Stop! I order you to stay on board!"
| |
| | concluded.
|
| Walsh commanded, and placed his body
| |
| | "Hold it," the captain said, grabbing the
|
| between the rail and the ocean-bound
| |
| | ventriloquist by the shirt. "You can't be
|
| passengers.
| |
| | serious?"
|
| "Stand aside!" a rather brawny traveler
| |
| | "Don't worry," he said, and held up his
|
| in Bermudas shouted, waving a threatening
| |
| | dummy. "Herman floats."
|
| ping-pong paddle.
| |
| | "Got a better idea, captain?" the
|
| "No more watered-down mixed drinks for
| |
| | comedian asked.
|
| me!" another man screamed.
| |
| | "You want to live to explain this to
|
| "Or slot machines where everybody loses!"
| |
| | management?" the Hawaiian dancer said.
|
| a woman chimed in.
| |
| | "Maybe you've got something there,"
|
| Then the sea of passengers pressed
| |
| | Captain Walsh admitted. "Yes, by golly, I
|
| forward, and Captain Walsh found himself
| |
| | think you do. But, as the captain, I
|
| being helplessly twirled aside by one
| |
| | insist on being the last to abandon
|
| pair of rail-bent hands after another.
| |
| | ship."
|
| Then, to his shock, he watched helplessly
| |
| | "Spoken like a true captain," the
|
| as every single guest leap off the boat.
| |
| | comedian assured him, and turned to the
|
| "How we gonna explain this to
| |
| | rest. "Ready, team?"
|
| headquarters!" the first mate called from
| |
| | "Ready!" the ventriloquist said, and his
|
| the lifeboats, which he and a gaggle of
| |
| | dummy Herman added, "Famous last words!"
|
| other crew members were attempting to
| |
| | And so, as the captain stood by, all the
|
| activate.
| |
| | entertainers leaped bravely overboard.
|
| The alarmed captain peered down at all
| |
| | Walsh watched them plummet into the
|
| the guests, splashing in the waves, and
| |
| | crowded sea.
|
| then looked back at the first mate.
| |
| | "Oh, well," he told himself, "it's been a
|
| "Quick - the lifeboats! We've got to save
| |
| | good career, until now." Then he called,
|
| everyone or we'll be finished - washed
| |
| | "Anybody left on board?"
|
| up, forever!"
| |
| | Not a single voice interrupted the ocean
|
| Just then the ship's chef and his staff
| |
| | breeze.
|
| appeared on the deck and hurried toward
| |
| | "Then it's over the side for me!" he
|
| the captain. "Is it true? All the
| |
| | called, and looked at the crowded sea in
|
| passengers?" the chef asked, and peered
| |
| | search of an unoccupied area. And over he
|
| over the rail.
| |
| | went.
|
| "Every last one of them!" the captain
| |
| | Down he fell, toward the tossing
|
| wailed.
| |
| | passengers, crew, chef with the kitchen
|
| "It couldn't be the food?" the chef
| |
| | staff, and entertainers. He managed to
|
| wanted to know.
| |
| | splash into the water, instead of landing
|
| "Could it?" the sous chef queried.
| |
| | on top of any of the former occupants of
|
| "I have to be honest. Some did mention
| |
| | his ship, and sank beneath the waves.
|
| that."
| |
| | When he bobbed back up, he awoke, wet
|
| "I feel terrible about this," the chef
| |
| | with sweat, and found himself doing the
|
| sighed. "My cooking days are over."
| |
| | breaststroke on his mattress.
|
| Then he motioned to his staff, and they
| |
| | What a nightmare! he thought.
|
| all made for the rail.
| |
| | And he resolved to speak to management.
|
| "Hold it!" the captain said. "Not you and
| |
| | Obviously, there were things about life
|
| the kitchen crew, too?"
| |
| | on cruise ships that could be improved,
|
| "The least we can do is join them!"
| |
| | and he vowed to be the champion of
|
| returned the chef. Then, with a flourish,
| |
| | change.
|
| he added, "If only I had better
| |
| | Just to make sure all was well, he got
|
| ingredients!"
| |
| | out of bed and opened a port. He saw a
|
| And over the rail he and his fellow
| |
| | young couple, leaning against the
|
| denizens of the kitchen went.
| |
| | railing. They seemed to be in a romantic
|
| "Chef and staff overboard!" the captain
| |
| | mood and not at all likely to jump
|
| called.
| |
| | overboard. He smiled, closed the port,
|
| Then, to his dismay, the first mate and
| |
| | and went back to bed.
|
| the crew members who were helping to
| |
| | It felt especially good to know he still
|
| launch the lifeboats stopped their vital
| |
| | had his passengers on board, along with
|
| work and climbed down to the deck.
| |
| | his crew, kitchen staff, and, no doubt,
|
| "What are you doing?" Captain Walsh
| |
| | his troupe of gifted entertainers.
|
