| A little seven year old boy once said, "Love is what is | | | | theory. The theory states that if someone believes a |
| in a room at Christmas if you stop opening the | | | | task can be accomplished, their energy that goes into |
| presents and listen." There is a lot in that statement. | | | | the process to accomplish that task is significantly |
| When is the last time you sat and listened to you? | | | | higher than if they attempted the task without really |
| Specifically, the way you talk to yourself about what | | | | believing they could do it. Therefore, what |
| you expect from the world, how you want treated | | | | accomplishes the task is not the difficulty of it but |
| and what kind of joy will be coming to you. The | | | | the energy that goes into it. I call this the "C" |
| facts say, that people get just that, what they | | | | complex. After a person puts minimal amount of |
| internally, sometimes quietly, expect. Furthermore, it | | | | energy into the task they will tell you, "See, I told |
| is our thoughts that act like a magnet to bring those | | | | you it couldn't be done." |
| expectations directly to each and every one of us. | | | | If you are a broker and you listen to your internal |
| Maxwell Maltz was a famous plastic surgeon. After he | | | | dialogue and you hear, "This market is bad, I can't |
| performed surgery on people, he would take the | | | | win." If you are in a relationship and you hear, "this |
| bandages off people and admire how attractive they | | | | mate is bad, I can't win." If you are a coach and you |
| became. He would lead them to a mirror hoping they | | | | say, "This team is bad, I can't win." Whether you |
| would come to the same conclusion. He said that he | | | | want to admit it or not, your energy is different |
| was thunderstruck at most patient's reactions. He | | | | toward that endeavor and there is a likelihood that |
| said seldom did they ever think they were attractive | | | | you are going to have a bad outcome. I had a |
| and they would live out a life that was | | | | professional quarterback consistently tell me that the |
| commensurate with their internal image even though | | | | receivers he had to work with could not get it done, |
| it was erroneous of being an unattractive person. | | | | even though many others I talked with disagreed |
| Subsequent research has validated that individuals | | | | with him. Well, they didn't get it done and he got cut! |
| have a self-concept and they manifest everything in | | | | What was different with him and the people after |
| their life through that "set of glasses" and to make a | | | | plastic surgery? |
| real difference in the way they live they need "new | | | | I had someone I was working with tell me that he |
| glasses." Maltz eventually focused on not changing | | | | just couldn't stand working for his manager. I urged |
| their outward appearance but their internal "views" of | | | | him to choose a different way of thinking. He |
| the themselves and the world. He believed that | | | | assured me that he was treating his manager in a |
| nothing ever altered until the thoughts that drove | | | | respectful way regardless of his feelings; doing |
| their own concepts were in some way altered. | | | | everything the manager asked him to do and giving |
| In The American Cup Yacht Race, the Australians | | | | the job all his effort. I assured him that this was fatal |
| were consistently in last place. The were really "down | | | | thinking, but he disagreed. I tried to convince him that |
| under." So, the team got together and listened to a | | | | if he notices it or not his energy will be different and |
| taped recording that sounded like a live radio | | | | his focus will be off and despite what he thinks is |
| broadcast of the race. The broadcast detailed every | | | | extraordinary effort; this will seriously alter his joy |
| segment of the race with the Australians winning at | | | | and performance. He strongly contested. In less than |
| the end. They listened to the recording in pairs, three | | | | a month his sales were the lowest in the company |
| times a day, everyday, for three years, a total of | | | | and he was fired. |
| over five thousand times! When they finally | | | | In an unpublished letter to Dear Abbey, one writer |
| competed in The American Cup again they won. | | | | wrote, "I can't trust my husband. He cheats on me |
| After the celebration, the captain of the team was | | | | so much I'm not sure the baby I'm carrying even |
| interviewed and asked, "Are you surprised that you | | | | belongs to him." We all have a strange way of |
| came from last place to first and won? You have | | | | thinking that our circumstances have something to do |
| shocked the yachting world." He answered, "Of | | | | with something other than ourselves. Change the |
| course not, we already won it five thousand times. | | | | way you view the world and the world will move in a |
| What is the big deal?" | | | | strange way and meet your view. If you change the |
| Albert Bondura, a Professor of Psychology at | | | | windows of your mind the worlds landscape will |
| Stanford, established a concept called self-efficacy | | | | reward you with a beautiful view. |